5 Ways to Beat Loneliness

5 Ways to Beat Loneliness

Have you ever felt lonely?

Odds are that you have, at some point or other in your life. For some, this is a temporary and transient emotion that comes and goes. For others, feeling lonely can be a more permanent and unwanted visitor, that has far outstayed its welcome.

For instance, recent reports from Help Lines for those in need, show an increased number of calls, in particular during or around public holidays, from both people in relationships as well as those living alone.

Loneliness doesn’t discriminate!

Emotions are powerful players in our lives and depending on what and how they make us feel, are considered either friends or foes. Within our societies, cultures and gender roles, we become conditioned early on about what type of emotional behaviour is or isn’t acceptable. Yet, simultaneously, emotions are extremely personal and influenced by an individual’s inner relationship and sensibilities and personality types, such as introverts and extroverts.

Regardless of your personality type, however, it’s important and handy to know what to do and how to respond when loneliness begins to spread its fingers across our hearts and minds, to taint our lives in sad, dull and uncomfortable colours.

Loneliness has the power to disempower us so deeply in the most profound corners of our lives.

I know this because I used to feel constantly lonely, isolated and totally useless. So, I want to share five keys that helped me to beat loneliness, that can work for you too!

Here are 5 Ways to Beat Loneliness:

 

1. Admit How You are Feeling.

This may seem counterproductive at first because it can stir up fear. The fear of being consumed by feeling lonely. The fact of the matter, however, is that until you acknowledge what you feel, you are a slave to it. Many people feel ashamed or guilty to admit that they feel lonely, because of what it may imply. There is a fear that by admitting to something, it makes it true. This is a falsehood!

By admitting what it is you are feeling, you take back your power and can be objective about what’s really going on.

What you won’t own, enslaves you!

 

2. Give Your Loneliness A Form.

Strong emotions can often make us feel irrational. So, a great way to begin to ‘contain the situation’ in a safe environment and way, is by giving loneliness a form. For example, when you feel lonely, give it a scale of intensity from 1 -10. This is helpful, as it creates a space of detachment from the feeling, while still admitting it exists.

Each time you give a form to your loneliness helps you to see the intensity of your loneliness in a constructive way.

Remember that your emotions are real in your mind/brain and by giving them a form, as in a number, helps you to take a step back and be able to be detached in a healthy way.

 

3. Dig Deep.

The last thing you probably want to do when it comes to loneliness, is to dig deeper right? That’s fear – False Evidence Appearing Real – talking! And boy, it can feel scary feeling lonely. So, to beat this fear, dig deep and explore what is underneath the feeling of loneliness.

Make a list of all the feelings and thoughts that come to mind, no matter what they are. And practice makes progress, so do this often.

You can only change what you are willing to confront. Healing comes through feeling.

Which brings me to the next key point.

 

4. Don’t Shoot the Messenger.

Loneliness, like all emotions, brings a message with it. Humans, after all, are highly complex individuals. We are also creatures of habit and so it’s important to find out what is underneath our emotions. There is always a belief system that is attached to an emotional reaction. It’s part of our social, cultural and gender upbringing.

Ask yourself, “what is making me feel lonely?” and explore what comes up. This may sound challenging and requires a good dose of being honest with yourself in a gentle yet rigorous way.

The messenger is you, telling you more about yourself. Stop and listen and you will find that with more clarity the loneliness very often fades into the background and the true issue can be resolved, bringing peace of mind and calm.

 

5. Change Your Emotional Map.

Did you know that for the brain, all behaviours and emotions are mini programmes running the show? Otherwise called habits. The above keys are an outline on how to change your internal and emotional map. When you do this, your external map will begin to match up.

Allow yourself to stop and ask for directions on the way. You don’t have to beat loneliness on your own. I know from personal experience, that finding the help you need is key to beating loneliness.

Add pit stops of support to your emotional map as you progress and look for new destinations.

I hope you enjoy these 5 keys to beating loneliness. If you would like more tips on how to beat loneliness effectively, my book FEARLESSLY ALONE takes an in depth look at what makes us feel lonely and really afraid and how to break free and find your happy no matter what!

Many Blissings,

Trilby.


Trilby Johnson is a Breakthrough Healer and Mentor, Best Selling Author and Speaker. She offers her clients practical effective life skills and facilitates an energetic inner shift that empowers them to heal by alleviating anxiety, relieving psycho-emotional pain and reducing stress levels in their lives, relationships, finances, health, mindset and soul connection.

 Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Assessment 

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

The H Factors That Add Value To Your Life

The H Factors That Add Value To Your Life

the-h-factors-blog

You’ve probably heard about the X Factor but have you heard about the H Factors? This is not about the TV show and more about setting your own default value settings so that you will be the star in your own life.  When it comes to living a successful life, I believe there are two H factors that you must add to your value system to have this – Happiness and Health!

The motivation behind much of what humans do, is to have these two things in life. All the running after success, love and money is basically linked to these two aspects of life. Ask people what they want most in life and ultimately when you drill right down, it’s about being happy and healthy. Yet for many, these two simple factors are rare or sporadic. Many spend their lives working hard to earn money and make ends meet, only to lose along the way, the very things they have been aiming for in the first place and long-term – their happiness and health. Suddenly, the future can look and feel really bleak.

My new book ‘Fearlessly Alone – Stop the Lonely Crisis and Find Your Happy’ takes an insightful and informative look at how happiness and health are imperative to living a fulfilled life and how to achieve them. It is important to add and prioritize these values in your life, to give yourself a fighting chance at peace, prosperity and a purposeful relationship with yourself and consequently others too.

Your values are a set of core principles that you use in making decision across your life based on importance and need. Not to be confused with your beliefs, which are basically assumptions that we take to be true.  A conflict of values can arise when two important values come into play and you have to make an important life decision.  For instance, whether to stay in a job you hate and find boring for security because you’ve been there for years, or to go for a new job where you can express your value of creativity and independence but there is less job and financial security.

Throughout your life, you strive to meet your values – like respect, love, faith, happiness, health, family, abundance, time, money, etc  – and that are the backbone to so many of your choices. It’s important to ask questions when it comes to the ranking of your values, especially when having a conflict of values. Because there is a reason behind this and it may not always be what you think it is.

Prioritizing and updating your values is very important because you and the situations you find yourself in change. When I did this exercise a few years ago, imagine my astonishment when I saw that happiness and health were not even in the top 10. No wonder there seemed to be a lack around happiness and health. Actively participating in your values settings, helps to prioritize them in your subconscious mind and is boosted further when you set positive intentions. It’s about adding value to your life, when and how it serves you best.

Here is a short exercise to help you identify and update your top 10 core values are:

  1. Sit down and write down the first things that come to mind that are important to you in your life. (If you need examples of values, just google values and you can find lists to draw from.)
  2. Rank them from 1 to 10 with 1 being the most important and 10 the least.
  3. Then ask yourself if these are still valid for you?
  4. Are these values truly your own?
  5. When sorted, ask if there are any ‘new’ values that you wish to add? Add and rank them.
  6. Reflect on what has come up for you and also write down any of the beliefs that may have popped up. For example, your health depends on your genetic make-up; you can’t be happy because then people will think you are selfish.
  7. If happiness and health are not in your top 10, I invite you to add them in. Just for fun and because you can. Then sit back and watch what shows up.

When it comes to your personal values about happiness and health, the way you feel can offer up wonderful and powerful clues. Tune in to your body and sense where the feelings are physical sensations and what they feel like. For instance, do you feel heavy or light. Your body is the best barometer you will ever have when it comes to making the best life choices for you. Simply because, if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t the best choice – for you, in the moment. Check in regularly as you are constantly changing with each choice you make. What makes you happy or feel healthy today, may not be the same in two weeks time.

The more you clarify your values and the beliefs you hold around happiness and health, the more confident you can be when making important life decisions. Your happiness and health and how you create and sustain them are so important to feeling confident and fulfilled in your life. Incorporating these H Factors into your decisions will put the You into Value! That’s what happened for me, once I did. And the same is possible for you too.

In Light and Appreciation
Trilby

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Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.Save

In-Visible ?!

In-Visible ?!

IN-VISIBLE?! Well this is my first post for a while and my first one for this New Year of 2012.  For the last few months, the subject of feeling invisible has been popping up into my awareness in many and diverse ways. Knowing that what shows up in my external is a reflection of my internal realm, I finally got through the usual knee-jerk re-actions into a new place of actual creation and being the question around this and receiving the missing information.

This feeling of being invisible has always felt really heavy for me. It left me in a state of confusion, as if I was wading through thick molasses that slowed me down and any progress hard work and over time exhausting and demotivating.  I seemed to be striving for something elusive and always just out of reach, leading to frustration and unfulfillment. What would it take for me to be seen, supported and acknowledged – to be visible? And then, a few day’s ago, the penny dropped and I saw the word and it looked like this ………. IN-VISIBLE !!

Now I have seen this defined as a noun that means “an invisible thing or being”. or “the invisible, the unseen or spiritual world”.  I realised that my definition of “invisible” was collapsed with that of meaning “non-existing”. A-ha!! Not quite the same thing is it?

What struck me as ironic is that the word used for that which is not visible actually contains within its root verb the word ……….. VISIBLE! We have been duped into not seeing all that is already in-the-visible! Reminded of the idiom, “there are none so blind as those that cannot see”, I now see through the lie within the word “IN-VISIBLE”.

Most of us, I imagine, have experienced a moment of feeling that we are invisible. However, what comes to me from the definition is not that there is non existance, but rather in fact that there is a need for a different perspective or in-sight.

I took heart from this, now knowing fully that being in-visible does not mean I am not seen or that I do not exist.  It is a reminder that we all look at the world through our own unique filter’s, most of the time.  Things, people and situations are rarely as we expect them to be and just as much is outside of our usual range of perception and awareneness, does not mean that it is not there. There are moments however, when the veil drops and all becomes visible and clear.  In NLP, they talk about changing your glasses for another pair, so that another point of observation is possible. Like with a pair of 3-D glasses, once you put them on, the movie has a whole new depth and experience to it.

I have a feeling that 2012 is a year of re-veal-ation and that much that has been filtered out until now, will be allowed to filter through and in. If I choose this.  For today however, I stand in my Knowing that within the Divine’s Eye, all is IN-VISIBLE!!

Wishing you all a glorious, fantastic, de-light-filled and phenomenal year in 2012!! May your Light shine bright and visible.

Gratitude and Light.

Trilby

You Are Not Alone!!

You Are Not Alone!!

I don’t know about you, but the last few months have been, well pretty tough. The expression a “Dark Night of the Soul” came to mind several times, however, this awareness did not offer any comfort or further insight. I felt isolated and removed from the world and even my gratitude lists remained sparse if non existant. Even when things did show up, they parted very abruptly and rudely, only adding to the feeling of intense non-belonging. My way of handling this is well, to withdraw even further, adding to and aggravating the issue. And of course, the famous question, “what’s wrong with me?”.
Does this sound intensely familiar? Of course I know this only applies to me!

Thankfully, every now and then something or someone would penetrate my haze, which was annoyingly reassuring. When I actually had these moments and got over myself, I started to hear and observe what others around me were saying and doing and experiencing. And low and behold, I realised that there seemed to be a collective “dark night of the soul” going on. Until I really got the message ………. You Are Not Alone!!

I was waiting for a sign, and it took a while to realise that a sign is not only something that we label and experience as positive. When asking for awareness around the situation, I constantly got that I needed this experience and time to integrate and create. If like me, you still associate action with creation, then You are Not Alone! The only difference between CREATION and REACTION, is the position of the letter “C”. So where have you misidentified and misapplied Action as Creation?

So great, now you may have some insight into the fact that You Are Not Alone, what can you do with this? I believe that whilst there is a collective consciousness and we are connected to this and drawing on this most of the time, it does pay to stop and ask, is this mine? for every thought, feeling and emotion. And sometimes, when it is truly yours, all that is required is to sit with whatever is there.

I was watching Kiesha, Little Grandother’s talk again from November 2010 and was struck by how I had a total new awareness of what she was saying. “We are the One’s We have been waiting for. There is no one else. It is up to us to save the Planet.” So what will it take to change this and what contribution can you be? I believe it is truly knowing, that YOU ARE ALL ONE.

Much Gratitude, Light and Laughter.
Trilby

p.s. I would love to share this beautiful song by Jenn August with you.  If you would like to share the song Grace with your family and friends send them the link http://thesoundofgiving.org/ Grace by Jenn August

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