So much is said nowadays about being grateful and it being the answer to so many problems and how it will turn your life around. I overheard a parent the other day, teaching their toddler polite etiquette – you know, say hello, what do you say when someone gives you something? – for use in their later life. I was left wondering what happens between toddler years and becoming adults and how much they still use this in their everyday life at home, at work, in relationships with friends or loved ones. I have also written many blog articles offering tips to people on how to change their lives and step into a different reality. Not very successfully, I might add. I have participated in self-development and conscious raising workshops, only to find a stubborn strain of ungrateful behaviour settled in quite comfortable and showing up as a wolf dressed in sheeps clothing. People may say or pretend that they wish to be grateful, however, as the saying goes, ‘actions speak louder than words’ and I have found both very true when it comes to an attitude and words of gratitude. So this time round, I thought I would write something to serve this permissive behaviour and offer some clear guidelines and suggestions on how to successfully become ungrateful.
No civilities please Greeting someone when you meet them, talk to them, text or email them is so totally overated, don’t you think? Being civil, why whatever for? A big no no is using their name. Keep it impersonal. I mean who gives a stuff if the person you are interacting with actually knows that you are interacting with them or not. And whatever you want to make them feel, it is certainly not that you are honouring their presence with a simply hello. Hell no, you certainly don’t want someone else to feel good do you, especially as you don’t yourself. More often than not it’s not a good morning, afternoon, or evening anyway, so let’s just skip the good part, if not the greeting all together. I mean, it’s totally understandable that you feel insecure, grumpy, stressed – and why should you suffer alone ? Just don’t greet people!
The forbidden question So, you’ve managed to get a conversation of some kind going – if a text and an email can be considered communication, which in today’s fast paced modern tech and sophisticated social networking world it is of course – and you are totally absorbed in getting your message across and really don’t have time for anything that doesn’t concern you directly. Whatever you do, remember to NOT ask the forbidden question – ‘how are you?’! And heaven forbid that if by mistake you erroneously do utter these totally insincere three words, just keep moving and don’t even wait for the answer. I mean, it’s not like you really care is it! You know you don’t actually want to hear their reply and even worse still, care about what they say or what’s showing up in their life. I mean really, you are way too busy and self-absorbed to worry about silly little things like that. And if they feel slighted, well that’s their problem not your’s. That’s what you read in a self-help book.
Only when you want something To really fit into your role of being ungrateful successfully, be sure to only contact people when you want something from them. Ignore them the rest of the time. And then of course, remember points 1 and 2 above. You aim is to make sure that everybody you come into contact with knows without a doubt that you really don’t give a damn about them, further than they can get you what you want that is. I mean isn’t that what responsibility is about!
Use texting, email or social media only To ensure those impersonal boundaries are respected, be sure to use text and/or email as much as possible. Again, keep in mind points 1 through 3. Isn’t the advent of texting and email such a relief. Now you get to be totally impolite, rude, aggressive, threating and abusive, without having to even worry about the recipients reaction, because you don’t have to see them hear them, or hell, even know them! Remember as attention is your most precious commodity, don’t waste it by giving your time to another person. They could misconstrue this and feel good about spending time with you and heaven forbid, good about themselves. Text, email, social media saves you having to make the effort of physically getting up and interacting with others, so you can still communicate with your loathsome colleagues sitting two desks away, or that horrible next door neighbour that you just cannot bare speaking to, unless as in point 3 you want something from them. And if you have to interact in person with them remember to implement all of the above points. Face to face conversation would require going against points 1 and 2 which would make your efforts to succeed at being ungrateful fail. So don’t do it. That would make you seem happy and grateful, so don’t do it.
No compliments or only insults You know how your mother told you if you don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say anything? Well, your mother was wrong! People just don’t like it when you compliment them. Have you noticed, they go all embarrassed. So when something good happens for them, just don’t even mention it. When something bad is happening to them, this is your chance to support them. Tell them how awful things are, what a horrible place the world is, how people are unreliable and of course add a bit of abuse as well, to make them feel good.When someone else achieves something, do not congratulate them. How dare they think they are better than everyone else. I mean, who do they think they are! So they won a prize, published a book, got married, looked really good in their new outfit, had their hair done, got good news, etc. You just can’t congratulate others because that could be mistaken as gratitude.
Drive aggressively When you are in your car, drive aggressively! That way you scare others and make it very clear that you are coming and they need to get out the way. And of course, screeching tyres at 3am in the mornings will just show them what a dude you are. Just so it’s clear. If anyone dares to irritate you on the road, use aggressive language and body language to let them know that they have totally pissed you off. Courteous driving, no way!
Holding doors or giving way Now this would be asking too much. You see that person just behind you? It would mean you actually noticing them, then taking seconds out of your totally free day, to wait and hold the door for them. And if they are of the opposite sex, then please be especially rude because they may just think you are hitting on them or supporting their sexist movement.
Complain about everything Whatever comes across your attention span, complain about it. Find something wrong with the perfection of the setting or rising sun, the weather, your health, your body, other people, the rich, the poor. There is plenty to complain about and if you actually run out of stuff, you can always complain about not having something to complain about.
If you apply these points above diligently and with passion, or not, you will very quickly become successful in being ungrateful. Success guaranteed.
Well I could go on a bit more, however it is important for you to become expert in these points above first, if you aren’t already. If you consider yourself a spiritual person who is here to show the rest of us how it’s done, then be sure to enforce these so that the whole world gets to know that you are not a doormat and that you can proudly say that you did it your way, without any gratitude at all. After all, you carry the light and it speaks for you. I mean you are so busy working on yourself, right! As for gratitude, well it doesn’t work anyway, so why should you be the one to bother, no one else does right. You’ve got more important things to do! Like being successfully ungrateful!
So if you have gotten this far in reading this article, please know that I am being satire here. I have to mention this, just in case some people take these suggestions to heart and think I am condoning this type of behaviour. Do you recognize people you know? Or Yourself perhaps? Sometimes when we can see the behaviour play itself out and identify it, it becomes possible and easier to change it. By switching all the points above around, gratitude will be present in your daily life, not only for you but for others too. It’s time to put into practice what your parent’s instilled in you in those early years and bring it into our daily lives as we interact with others. I know its there. Buried deep perhaps, but bursting to come out. The Manners of Gratitude.
Honour the people you meet by greeting them and using their name – yes even your family/spouse and those you see every day, otherwise familiarity may breed contempt. Not a state of gratitude. Use the roads and public places with courtesy because people took the time to make this available to you. Compliment or congratulate someone or yourselves for having done something well, whether it is something new or something they do day after day. Never mind if they could receive it or not. It’s about you.
Hello, How Are You?, Please, Thank You, After you, You are welcome – are still powerful tools for gratitude for everything and everyone showing up in your life. They are not merely words when used with consciousness. They become tools and actions for and of transformation. Now it’s up to you to perhaps find all the places and spaces within your heart and your life where you can apply them more or differently. Cause after all, talk really is cheap. Like lack of gratitude. And in the end you do pay, somewhere. Even if it’s in your lack of caring. Gratitude is living the ‘And so it is’ and bringing it into this NOW moment. It’s the present. Use it throughout the day and in all you do. Whether you consider yourself a spiritual person or not, these forms of greeting put the spirit into living. Manners of Gratitude.
Thank you and In Light Trilby
*************** Trilby D. Johnson is an Author and Vibrational Integration Mentor whose message of self-actualization, embodiment and self-love invites people from around the world to embrace their Sovereign Authenticity as they release chronic thinking around money, health and love. She provides tools and skills for people to live a life free of pain, suffering, sadness and self-limiting beliefs and makes spiritual living practical. Find out more about the possibilities here – http://www.trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com
What is the invitation of persistent resistance? Are you one of those people who gets highly irritated by the saying, “What you resist will persist.”? Well I certainly have had periods of a love-hate relationship on hearing and saying this myself, depending on which side of the resistance I was standing on at the time. I often have to chuckle when I remember Gloria Steinem’s quote, that “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”! The irony for me of course being that the feeling of irritation is a symptom and sign of resistance in and of itself.
Now, for me resistance shows up mostly as a sensation in my body. It may be different for you, so I invite you to think about something you really are “against” and just observe if you can trace it to a place in your body. The human body is a barometer of information and is continually sending us information through our neural pathways and nervous systems to keep us up to date and ready to act. As I am primarily kinesthetic in my learning style, the signals come to me as a physical sensation or emotional feeling of resistance. Some other learning styles are visual or auditory.
For a while now I have been aware of this sensation of persisting resistance being communicated to me by my body. It baffled me because it did not make sense. By this I mean that whilst I have been choosing to experience a specific kind of lifestyle, I became aware that whenever an opportunity to experience this kind of living actually showed up, an intense feeling of resistance, if not a sense of dislike, would show up.
What really set off my alarm bell, was that I had found myself with this same kinesthetic experience in a situation which was definitely not what I was saying I desired. I was drawn to the perception that I was getting the same sensory feedback from two quite different and seemingly opposite situations. One which I enjoyed and was asking for more of, and another situation which I was choosing to move away from.
So what was the invitation? I found that the persistent niggle of sensation was there to catch my attention. It was my body’s way of letting me know that somewhere in all the mental concluding and judging and decision making, there was something that did not add up. I was out of alignment in my choosing. And so it was time to sit down and have a cup of tea with this feeling and find out what was true about this situation that was bothering me.
What I uncovered was a pattern of mixed signals. And when I took the time to look at it consciously and ask for clarity, the tangle began to unravel. The alarm was to show me that I had unconsciously collapsed the definition around “work” with two completely different meanings. Literally the sensation in the pit of my stomach was telling me that I had gotten myself into a knot.
Until I took the time to bring my awareness and conscious choosing to this knowing and get the information that was there for me, I could not be free and thus was in resistance and literally felt torn in two. That’s what happens when there are conflictual choices. Energy requires directing to move and for this it needs clear instruction. If not, it just hovers around.
To me, the invitation within the persistent resistance is …… there is something here that you need to take a look at and choose. And ……… until I take that time out and stop, breathe, listen and choose, the resistance will persist.
I came away from this experience knowing that resistance that persists is an invitation to take notice. To Be Aware. To choose. How to break through the persistence of resistance? Just keep on choosing!
May you enjoy the unfolding of your Choosing and Creation.
In Light Trilby
If you wish to watch/listen to the audio version of this blog, please go here – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N0omPFw8kE
Trilby Johnson, is an Intuitive Well-Being Facilitator, Author, Radio Host and the Founder of Connective Embodiment™. Her joy and motivation is to empower others in their Authentic Self-Actualization so that people can have fulfilling and abundant lives, by giving them skills and tools to have greater choice and to choose belief systems that enrich and expand their Authentic Relating within themselves and their bodies.
So, let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. Who knows and can choose what is right for you? You, right! The only person on this planet that can do this for you, is none other than yourself. Of course, you can turn to others for advice and draw even on your own past experiences. However, when it comes down to it, each choice you make will impact on your life and you will be the one to deal with the consequences. People may tell you that you are oversensitive, selfish, a bore, egotistical, a trouble maker, naive, a dreamer, arrogant, etc – and perhaps they are correct – nevertheless, whatever you may or may not be, you are the only one that can choose for you.
Being in a place of confusion or indecision is probably the most uncomfortable state in which one can be. Humans tend to respond better when they have direction and as the saying goes, you have to know where you are going, to get there. This requires making a choice in the moment now, based on the influential factors in the moment of now, that will take you into the next moment of now. In other words, choice is flexible and is our greatest tool to be used every second of the day as we go along. According to most spiritual scriptures, the one thing that the Creator gave us as our greatest quality and tool was freedom of CHOICE. It is so important to consistently be choosing again and again. Why? Well, because how do you know if something works for you or not? You have to give it a go, no? Like when purchasing new clothes, or a car, a new recipe, a new relationship, a job, etc, – you will only know what it is like when you have done it. And yet many of us have been conditioned to make a choice and then stick to it FOREVER. We actually often even convince ourselves with external circumstances that we have made the right choice, even when it is blatantly apparent that this is not in our favour.
How many of us actually choose from a place of choice and choose what is right for us? The majority of us, myself included, have been entrained into erroneously believing that we are actually choosing for ourself, when in fact we are often on the default choice of the collective consciousness. Want to test this? This becomes apparent the minute we do not conform to group, ethnic, social, cultural, financial, religious and spiritual norms, when we are made to feel weird, strange, crazy or an outsider. Most of us are unconsciously so afraid of being alone, shunned, disliked, poor, being judged and not fitting in, that we “almost” happily conform to the most acceptable social and cultural behaviours, whilst in fact robbing ourselves of our own empowerment and authenticity. I say “almost” because I find that when I buy into this charade, the feeling of emptiness within increases and there is always that little niggle that something, is just not quite right that won’t go away. This entrainment is so subtle and runs through everything and as I found out recently, is probably most insidiously dangerous and retarding when one believes that they are doing it from a place of genuineness.
I give an example from my own recent experience. I found myself working in a place that pushed a lot of buttons for me. One of Life’s generous and humourous curve balls, so to speak. 🙂 As is the case when learning a new skill, there is always a final exam and I feel that Life operates in a similar way. Not to test us – this is a linear human mental concept – but rather as the law of attraction or matching vibrational frequencies denotes, to sort out what matches or not, now. It has been a most fantastic, enriching and enlightening experience!. It was in this situation that I began to APPLY the tools I have acquired to the situations showing up. I chose to respond rather than react. Reaction cuts off the flow of creation. The changes showed up thick and fast. Perhaps the greatest change being that I no longer shied away from confrontation when it comes to being me. Once I got that most people ain’t going to like me anyway, for their own personal reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with me or that are a reflection of me, I was able to fully embrace this state of being.
What also came under fire was my beliefs of what being a spiritual person means and unveiled the default programme running in the background. For those of you who are familiar with Neuro-linguistic Programming, this technique came about because the founders wanted to find out how experts did what they did and did it well and to basically copy this. The premise is that as all information is coded into the brain, if one was able to decipher the language used to create an expert strategy, then it would be possible to extrapolate this to other areas and strategies and thus transform behaviours. And it does. What amazes me is how the mental mind compartamentalises everything. This comes about through repetition and forms what is commonly called habits. It is only when we start to undo these neural habitual pathways that we become aware that it is indeed possible to apply all data to everything. For instance, as we do one thing, so we do it all. This is one possible explanation of why when we have an issue in one area of our life that is constantly showing up, we find that the underlying cause effects all areas of our lives. We are just more aware of it in a certain areas that others. Once the limitation is removed at the root though, the effect ripples out across the whole.
So, in this instance it seemed I was keeping spirituality and money in separate compartments of my brain. What this working experience revealed to me was this limitation in my thinking. Whilst I cognitively can recognise that both of these aspects are made of energy, the judgements I had about both and in regards to myself and how I was supposed to behave as a spiritual person, well got me in a right royal bind. I had separated myself from myself and my Source of Creation. I found myself caught between a spiritual rock and a financial hard place! In spite of the fact that my awareness was showing me quite cleary that the situation was abusive in many ways and was not working for me, I had chosen to believe that I had to stick it out for some strange spiritual misconception that confrontation is a bad thing and that I had to put up with this abuse because I needed the money.
Fortunately, this got so uncomfortable that my mental compartments finally lifted and I got that I was choosing to allow myself to be abused for money. That’s a good one, no?!?! I had allowed myself to be devalued because I – yes me – had unconsciously chosen to give away my sovereign power, to money. The second I got this clarity, my heart chakra opened and everything shifted and I was filled with a sense of relief and peace and space. Aahhhhhhhhhh.
This shift may mean that I am criticised, judged and disliked by others. That’s okay. When we choose to stand in our Light and shine, we may shine light on our darkness and that of others’. Many will not thank us for this. However, some may experience something different because of it. How could this turn into something even greater than anything I can imagine?
I really feel that what 2012 and beyond is about is that we all fully integrate on an intrinsic and cognitive level that we are the Creators of our Lives. That Life is constantly giving us pop up screens of what it is we are creating, not to judge ourselves with and make us right or wrong, but rather so that we can experience it and then choose again. Choice offers freedom and a state of being grateful. What if choosing can be as simple as saying, thank you for that experience. Mmmhhh. Interesting. Now I would like to choose to experience this or that too. It is about grasping the essence that I am the one I have been waiting for and that no law of attraction, deity or Universe is going to give me what I desire, if I do not create it first, by claiming and demanding it. Just as I gave my power of creation away to money, I also give it away to something outside of myself when I believe that I am not my own creator. There is no separation between me and Source, because I, as well as everyone, are Sparks of the Divine. What if the sole reason for me being here at this time on Planet Earth is to BE the Divine and to know this in every cell of my body? I Am that I Am.
I hold a vision of each and every Human Being on this planet coming to full consciousness of choice in their role of the Creator of their Life and that they can stand in the greatness of their creations with ease and joy and glory. And that each and everyone knows how precious, magnificent and valuable you are. You are a gift to the world. These are such exciting times!
It is an honour to be of service. In Light, AL-WAYS