Don’t overlook this when it comes to intimacy

Don’t overlook this when it comes to intimacy

intimacy, sex, relationship, self-love, happiness
Ever noticed that the word intimacy begins with the letter “I”? Many assume that intimacy is all about sex. It’s not! Intimacy, is considered usually as something we only can have with another person, in the form of relationship.  In this instance, I want to suggest a different perspective.

What if we think of intimacy as a state of being and experience that we have primarily with ourselves first and foremost? Learning to know ourselves is crucial if we are to enjoy a level of authentic and satisfying intimacy across our adult lives. Amazingly, many of us overlook this one factor when it comes to intimacy.

True intimacy, extends beyond the relationships we will have with another person. Instead, it is a deeply personal connection to ourselves. Without it, we are left feeling that something is missing within us and an emptiness that we instinctively try to fill. The more we look outside of ourselves to fill it – through success, relationships, love, money, work, drugs, media, food, purpose etc. – the stronger and wider the chasm inside us grows.

Being completely intimate with ourselves first is such an empowering individual process! Yet so few of us are aware of this and we don’t know how or where to begin. For genuine self-intimacy to emerge, we must be vulnerable to the process itself – the good, the bad and ugly, the hidden, the sensual, the still unfolding bits and the deeply afraid of being hurt bits.

To initiate this level of gratifying intimacy, let’s use the premises that ‘everything is within’, ‘start where we are’ and ‘the answers are right under our nose’.  There is one place where all three of these premises converge – our body! During a life span, we spend every day of our lives in our body. Yet how well do we know our bodies and what kind of intimate relationship do we consciously enjoy in and with them?

For centuries, we have been conditioned by culture and religion. Those holding the control withheld the secret – of the enormous potential, strength and capacity that comes from our sacred body connection and its empowering nature. By propagating the belief that the flesh was sinful and would betray us, they drove a wedge between ourselves and our bodies – our dearest ally – effectively severing the cords to personal intimacy. Sadly, this myth continues even today and is most prevalent in issues of body-image, lack of self-esteem, a sense of overwhelm and a deep loneliness that many of us still experience.

In my recent book, ‘FEARLESSLY ALONE‘, I addressed several of the factors that contribute to people feeling lonely, isolated and lost. Feelings of loneliness are a key indicator of a lack of intimacy with our Self – the most important authority in our life. When we feel lonely, we are often experiencing a feeling of disconnection from our source of personal power and creativity. The book reveals how when prolonged and unresolved, this results in stress, anxiety, depression, loss of self-worth, ill-health and even suicide.

Whatever we do in life, we do together with our bodies and everything experienced – both consciously and subconsciously – is perceived via this physical miraculous mechanical organism. The body literally hears and captures everything that we ever see, feel, and think. It allows us to have all kinds of sensory and sensual experiences – pleasurable and/or painful. The body ‘communicates’ with us through our senses – physical, emotional and intuitive – and translates these into feelings that we can perceive and understand. For example, when meeting a person for the first time, there is an instant initial impression – like this person is trustworthy, friendly, genuine, happy, unhappy, lying, an authority, confident, etc. This hunch often turns out to be correct.

The more consciously intimate the relationship with our body is, the better equipped we are to navigate life and make informed decisions confidently. Learning to listen to these sources of information can enrich our lives even more than most of us can perhaps even imagine. Cultivating awareness of and within the body will allow for more intimacy that is genuine, trustworthy and ideally suited for any unique lifestyle. It’s possible to reap immeasurable rewards, like attracting favourable people, situations and opportunities into our life, whereas prior to this, we may have struggled and suffered and chosen unwisely.

When we consciously harness this natural and profound connection with our body and nurture it, we are experiencing intimacy. We have come Home. And when stepping out from this space to embrace our lives, it is done from a place of empowered authority and enriched connection. Thanks to our bodies. Don’t overlook this when it comes to intimacy!


Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

 

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10 Tips to a Happier Healthier You

10 Tips to a Happier Healthier You

When it comes to health and happiness, the key is balance and allowing. In the West, health focus is mostly on the physical body and even emotional issues are treated clinically. In contrast, Eastern philosophies on health focus includes aspects of the body, mind, soul – the belief is that all aspects function in an interactive and complimentary fashion. To encompass both approaches, here are 10 tips that have helped me to establish a happy and healthy approach to life and that continue to expand into more.

  1. Make yourself #1 in your life
    You must put yourself first. Why? Because you are the only one who can create the right balance of happy and healthy for you. If you are putting other people before you, then you are giving off a signal that you are not important and that it’s okay with you to be bypassed. If you want to change this, then you have to claim your own priority to you. When done in a harmonious way, this already will bring more balance to your life. And if you are a parent, this is an important message that you will be teaching your children. It’s a major step in loving yourself, to being able to show compassion and kindness to others. Don’t worry that you are being selfish as long as you are honest and sincere with yourself this is what is important. Arrogance and self-obsession stems from a lack of confidence, not from self-esteem.
  2. Start where you are
    I have found when it comes to changing a pattern successfully and sustainably, it’s best to start where you are and make bite-sized adjustments. This helps you to stay present and dispel any feelings of overwhelm and move forward steadily and keep focused on your desired target. As John Heywood said, ‘Rome was not built in a day.’. Give yourself permission if required, to take things slowly. Taking action is what is important.
  3. Set your target
    What does happy and healthy look like for you? It’s really important to connect to the ‘essence’ of what these words mean to you. Not what someone else has told you. A great way to do this is to ask yourself, ‘what would my life look like when I am happy and healthy?’. Write these down, especially the way you will feel about yourself and your life.
    The great thing about setting a target and writing down your desired outcome, i.e. how you want to feel, is that this already prepares your brain for new input and finding corresponding stimuli. It’s also useful as a form of accountability, so you can see how you are progressing. Sometimes you have to look backwards to see just how far you have come.
  4. Tailor your beliefs to suit you
    The beliefs you have are important, as they are the building blocks by which you function. I often work with clients who have passed through the medical or traditional systems and are still looking for solutions. They did not buy into the beliefs of others. They are choosing to do whatever it takes and find a way of being healthy that works for them.
    Even people with similar beliefs experience life differently. You experience life the way you do for the simple reason that you are unique and you. Only you are experiencing life in the specific way that you are doing it. Cultivate beliefs around being healthy and happy for you.
  5. Eat when you are truly hungry
    Most things in our society today run to schedule. Whilst this may contribute to a smooth functioning, the human body has its own rhythm. Failure to heed this natural rhythm can lead to ill-health or feelings of dissatisfaction over time.
    The next time you feel hungry, try this first.  Check in with my body and ask it, ‘are you hungry?’. Did you know that people often confuse thirst with hunger? Your body often requires water before it requires food, yet because we eat so routinely we can override our biology. I always ask the one who knows – my body.
  6. Honour your emotions
    Whatever emotions you are feeling, you are feeling them for a reason. Take the time to contemplate them and look for safe ways to express and manage them. I have found working with clients, that the biggest cause of disease comes from suppressed and repressed emotions. Hire a facilitator to support you in managing your emotions in a healthy and happy way. Your body will thank you for it.
  7. Do things that makes your body feel good
    Now if you are in a place of ill-health or feel depressed, this can seem a huge task. There are so many instructions from everywhere about everything, that it’s easy to get confused and feel overwhelmed. Your body generally knows what it requires better than you do, although this is not what we have been taught. In fact, we have been taught to mistrust our bodies, which results in us always being caught on the wrong foot. Your body knows how it wants to move to feel good and how often, just as it knows when it needs to take a nap. Follow that!
  8. Find happy and healthy people who inspire you
    Notice I say ‘that inspire you’. This means people who have qualities that you would like to upload into your behaviour data bank. Remember making yourself #1? It’s important to have these kind of role models in your life so that you are constantly stimulated and growing in ways that feel good to you. This will make it easier to stay energized and discerning when dealing with other people and situations that may be difficult.
  9. Ask for help
    If you are struggling to achieve and experience your ideal of health or happiness, ask for help. Ask your higher guidance, that the right people show up in your life who have the information you require to take the next step for you. Then, trust and allow it to come to you and be ready to receive. Easy to say, perhaps not so easy to do – this is when having a coach or mentor comes in handy. I had to experience burn-out before I learned the lesson to ask for help and hand things over to the Universe at the end of each day. Don’t confuse independence with having to do everything yourself or on your own.
  10. Be Grateful
    It’s not always easy to feel grateful, especially if you are down and having a hard time when it comes to lack of health or prosperity. Happiness can seem a long way off. I can remember times when writing my daily gratitude list when all I could manage was ‘I am grateful that I have the desire to be grateful even though it may be difficult in this moment’. There is great wisdom in counting your blessings. Every day there are so many things that are simply taken for granted which are in reality the stuff of magic. Look for the magic and it will appear.

The above list of tips to be a happy healthy you, is of course far from complete. Notice too that I have not mentioned food specifically, because I believe that if you follow these tips, what you eat will adjust itself automatically. These tips have been effective for me in my own personal growth. I have found by applying and following them, the possibility of more health and happiness appears in a myriad of ways and place without effort.

Here’s to your abundant happiness and health!

In Light and Appreciation
Trilby x


Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

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When You Feel Alone in Your Spiritual Beliefs

When You Feel Alone in Your Spiritual Beliefs

when-you-feel-alone-blog-headerThe spiritual relationship. By its very nature, solitary and deeply personal. Where each individual is called to find the meaning of life, for themselves. The importance of the beliefs around this relationship is evidenced throughout history and through the pivotal role that religion has held. Still today, war is waged in the name of religion and spiritual salvation used as the trump card.

In Western society, freedom to choose your spiritual beliefs, is relatively recent. Yet, the desire to belong and be a part of something is very strong for most humans. When this sense of connection is under threat or lacking – especially with regards to spirituality – you can feel alone and vulnerable.

There are many diverse spiritual beliefs and groups. This can often make it seem even more challenging to find and connect with those who have similar spiritual beliefs and who share and express the same values. Making assumptions about how people with spiritual beliefs behave can also result in disillusion.

A part of being different, is celebrating the diverse qualities and talents that make us an individual. As with any situation in life, I believe how we will experience anything comes down to attitude. So if you are feeling alone in your spiritual beliefs, here are some suggestions:

1. Change your Perspective
If you are feeling that being alone is something negative, then it’s very important to question the quality, viability and source of your spiritual beliefs. The very essence of having a spiritual relationship, is meant to connect you more closely with your divine nature – with yourself. If this sense of connection is lacking, then it’s important to dig deeper. Take a look at the content of your beliefs – ask yourself if they are preventing you from enjoying your life and divine nature more? Be honest.

2. Fish out the False Beliefs
One of the primary reasons you may be feeling unfulfilled and alone when it comes to your spiritual beliefs, in my opinion, lies hidden within the misleading information we have all been fed for eons about our origins and divine nature. How this can show up is in a feeling of ‘there’s something wrong with me’ or ‘I must be from another planet, because I don’t fit in anywhere’. I believe these feelings are linked to what I call ‘the myth of separation’. Belief in this myth, whether conscious or unconscious, has left a huge scar in the human psyche. This lie has dealt a huge blow to us as a race, especially in western culture. I offer an in-depth look at the spiritual intricacies of this myth and how it leads to an unhealthy sense of being alone in my book FEARLESSLY ALONE – Stop The Lonely Crisis And Find Your Happy.

In our current evolutionary pattern, for true soul/spiritual healing to occur, resolving this false belief around being alone appears to be a necessary rite of spiritual passage. If you are ready to fully experience the sacred relationship of your divine nature – however that looks to you – then feeling unhappily alone is an indication that your spiritual beliefs need upgrading to support, not diminish, you.

3. Find a Spiritual Teacher
Look for a spiritual teacher who can help you uncover any limiting beliefs and install new supportive ones. One of the important things to realize when feeling alone, is that it is an act of self-love to ask for help. You are not meant to do it all on your own! The Universe is abundant and brimming with life-force energy. There is no way that this excludes you. Only you exclude you. Is that perhaps what makes you feel alone? Reach out your hand and ask for help to transform your body-mind-soul connection.

4. Reframe the game
Reframe how you look at feeling alone. What if, instead of it being something negative, feeling alone means you are on your way?! You have broken free of the conventional dogma that restricts so many. Simply stop judging yourself. When you follow your own intuitive guidance and inner authority faithfully, you gain confidence and comfortably make the right choices for you.

When it comes to beliefs, choose those that lift you up where you belong. Choose to be a Spiritual Warrior who stands strong and firm and All-One.

In Light and Appreciation

Trilby


Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

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7 Positive Body-Image Affirmations To Feel Like A Diva

7 Positive Body-Image Affirmations To Feel Like A Diva

mountain-pose-815291_1280Since 2014, low body-image is out. Self-acceptance is in! And if you are going to embrace being a natural Diva, self-acceptance is an essential ingredient. Every women is a diva, simply by her birthright. Think of it that way. You start at marvellous and work your way up from there, without arrogance or disdain. If you don’t feel that you are quite there yet, here are 7 affirmations for a positive body-image. Your body-image impacts on every single area of your life, so make it the best version you can. Remember, affirmations are not about forcing yourself to believe something that you don’t feel. That’s silly and a waste of your time and intelligence. Change begins with the first step and being willing. Ultimately, you are the only one who can change the relationship you have with your body!

1. I accept and love my body exactly as it is
Ah, if it were only so easy you may be thinking. Begin with baby steps. It’s taken centuries of social and cultural conditioning to lead you here. So be gently and kind and patient with yourself. Most of all though, be honest with yourself. Are you at least WILLING to begin to accept and love your body, as it is, here and now? When you can at least be willing, you allow something different a chance to show up. You release the rigid judgment you have on your current body-image.

2. I am grateful for my body
It’s no secret, that gratitude or appreciation, engenders a beauty of its own that transcends the mere physical. When you shower your body with gratitude rather than judgment, it will respond favourably in kind and very quickly. Start by acknowledging something that your body does for you everyday. For instance, the fact that your body knows how to breath for you, is a great and wonderful skill, that literally keeps you alive. Imagine if you had to remember to breathe every breath of each day. How exhausting would that be? Shift into a mindset of being grateful for everything your body does for you.

3. I claim and embrace my Diva Body
It’s very simple. You have to claim what you want. Especially if you don’t feel that you have it. If you are going around grouching about how awful you look, this is how you show up. This is not how a Diva behaves, is it? The one thing noticeable about a Diva is her confidence. And that comes from accepting all of herself, as she is, and being proud. Claim your Diva Body today.

4. I am the authority of my body
To feel good about yourself in the body you have, requires accountability. As long as you allow yourself to be influenced by external factors like the media, beauty industry and yes sadly other women’s opinions, when it comes to your body, you will most likely find yourself feeling terrible about your body. There is only one person who has the body you have and that is you. Celebrate it and even flaunt it. Why wouldn’t you? You possess one-of-a-kind!

5. I nurture a positive body-image
You body is like a car. No disrepect. What you put in it and how you treat it, is what you will get out. Your body reflects the quality of the nurturing you give it. Nurturing is not just about the food you eat and the exercise programme you follow. It is also very much the thoughts and emotions you have about yourself whilst you are busy doing all of these activities, throughout the day.

6. I have a sacred relationship with my body
Whether you acknowledge it or not, your body is your one true home and your most trustworthy friend. It is where everything you experience in your life occurs first. When you treat it with respect and sacredness, it will reward you tenfold in more ways than you can imagine.

7. When I feel connected to my body, I am never alone and I feel happy and alive
Negative body-image comes from thoughts and feelings that creates an energetic barrier within yourself and you cells. This leaves you feeling isolated. That’s how the body-image demon gets in. Don’t even give them a chance!

As with anything, the more you use these, write them down and say them out loud and connect to the positive feelings, the more and quicker the change can show up. Hope you find these useful in enjoying your experience of being a Diva with a positive body-image.

In Light and Appreciation.
Trilby Johnson


Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

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There is an “I” in Relationship

There is an “I” in Relationship

DABy7ixY3C4Many people seem to believe that the greatest gift of love to another, is to offer their love. Whilst this is indeed a precious gesture, is this really true or unconditional love?

What if,this is like offering a tool to someone that frankly they have no use for? Even though they appreciate the gesture. What if the highest intent when loving someone, is to love them in the way they need to be loved? Asking them what tool they require and if it will be useful to them. I always remember Louise Hay’s question, “how can I love you more today?”. So often I observe people in their talking about relationships saying that they want someone who will do this and that with them and to share in their interests. When they meet up for their first date, so many just talk about themselves. But what about the other person? What about what interests them?

In the methodology of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) this is a very important premise. Understanding the language of the other. If communication is to be successful, then it is imperative to use the words that make sense to the person being communicated with. This seems to make so much sense, yet many people experience difficult communication which leads to misunderstanding due to not checking in with the other person, firstly that they have understood. Have you ever experienced or overheard a conversation where you say one thing, the other person says another, there is disagreement, only to later find out that you meant the same thing? This is an example of where people with different cognitive modalities are talking, but unwittingly at each other rather than with each other. It is about choosing the form of words that suit the mental map of the other party. For example, for people who collect data visually, certain words like imagine or questions like ‘can you see?’ make the conversation flow. So for people who are auditive or kinesthetic it would certainly facilitate things to use words that ‘speak’ to them. I believe it is similar when it comes to emotional relationships, which are forms of conversation.

If people are to experience truly fulfilling, satisfying and loving relationship, where there is a vulnerable intimacy possible, I believe we must change our expectations of relationship. Especially the main one – our relationship with ourselves. We have to face our own demons or shadow selves and love them into simply being – beyond judgment – so that the shadow can expand into the light. Having experienced seriously dis-functional relationships, I chose to really sit down and take a long hard look at what kept on showing up. And then taking ownership. Standing in my responsibility as a Creator and embracing it all – the good, the bad and the ugly. For after all, it is who I am. And I choose to be in love with whatever that is and looks like.

Yes of course there is always space for expansion, however there is a huge difference when this comes from a place of judgment – or polarity reality – rather than from a space of ‘now what amazing adventure would I like to create, be, have, experience and generate next?”. Then I can come from a place and space of true being that lends a sense of communion to all relating. Then I can stand In Love and lose nothing of myself when loving another as they require it. When the ego falls away it becomes easy to do, because it is no longer about ‘how I will love you” and rather ‘let me explore the many ways to love and love you differently’.

The more I travel this road of Knowing Myself the more I understand the importance of what truly loving oneself first, means for me. It is only then that there is no requirement to be loved by another, because one already is In Love. Then what flows forth when together with another is a dance of joy and participation and of expansion and of experiencing something new each day. There is already a sense of wholeness that requires simple self-expression rather than validation from and by another. When the “I” in the relationship becomes the ‘We’ of the Relationship – The Oneness. The real love question therefore in my opinion, is in learning to speak the the language of the Beloved – the true language (and message) of love.And it starts with self-love and is perpetuated from there.

May you Be In Love!

In Light
Trilby


Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

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