5 Ways to Beat Loneliness

5 Ways to Beat Loneliness

Have you ever felt lonely?

Odds are that you have, at some point or other in your life. For some, this is a temporary and transient emotion that comes and goes. For others, feeling lonely can be a more permanent and unwanted visitor, that has far outstayed its welcome.

For instance, recent reports from Help Lines for those in need, show an increased number of calls, in particular during or around public holidays, from both people in relationships as well as those living alone.

Loneliness doesn’t discriminate!

Emotions are powerful players in our lives and depending on what and how they make us feel, are considered either friends or foes. Within our societies, cultures and gender roles, we become conditioned early on about what type of emotional behaviour is or isn’t acceptable. Yet, simultaneously, emotions are extremely personal and influenced by an individual’s inner relationship and sensibilities and personality types, such as introverts and extroverts.

Regardless of your personality type, however, it’s important and handy to know what to do and how to respond when loneliness begins to spread its fingers across our hearts and minds, to taint our lives in sad, dull and uncomfortable colours.

Loneliness has the power to disempower us so deeply in the most profound corners of our lives.

I know this because I used to feel constantly lonely, isolated and totally useless. So, I want to share five keys that helped me to beat loneliness, that can work for you too!

Here are 5 Ways to Beat Loneliness:

 

1. Admit How You are Feeling.

This may seem counterproductive at first because it can stir up fear. The fear of being consumed by feeling lonely. The fact of the matter, however, is that until you acknowledge what you feel, you are a slave to it. Many people feel ashamed or guilty to admit that they feel lonely, because of what it may imply. There is a fear that by admitting to something, it makes it true. This is a falsehood!

By admitting what it is you are feeling, you take back your power and can be objective about what’s really going on.

What you won’t own, enslaves you!

 

2. Give Your Loneliness A Form.

Strong emotions can often make us feel irrational. So, a great way to begin to ‘contain the situation’ in a safe environment and way, is by giving loneliness a form. For example, when you feel lonely, give it a scale of intensity from 1 -10. This is helpful, as it creates a space of detachment from the feeling, while still admitting it exists.

Each time you give a form to your loneliness helps you to see the intensity of your loneliness in a constructive way.

Remember that your emotions are real in your mind/brain and by giving them a form, as in a number, helps you to take a step back and be able to be detached in a healthy way.

 

3. Dig Deep.

The last thing you probably want to do when it comes to loneliness, is to dig deeper right? That’s fear – False Evidence Appearing Real – talking! And boy, it can feel scary feeling lonely. So, to beat this fear, dig deep and explore what is underneath the feeling of loneliness.

Make a list of all the feelings and thoughts that come to mind, no matter what they are. And practice makes progress, so do this often.

You can only change what you are willing to confront. Healing comes through feeling.

Which brings me to the next key point.

 

4. Don’t Shoot the Messenger.

Loneliness, like all emotions, brings a message with it. Humans, after all, are highly complex individuals. We are also creatures of habit and so it’s important to find out what is underneath our emotions. There is always a belief system that is attached to an emotional reaction. It’s part of our social, cultural and gender upbringing.

Ask yourself, “what is making me feel lonely?” and explore what comes up. This may sound challenging and requires a good dose of being honest with yourself in a gentle yet rigorous way.

The messenger is you, telling you more about yourself. Stop and listen and you will find that with more clarity the loneliness very often fades into the background and the true issue can be resolved, bringing peace of mind and calm.

 

5. Change Your Emotional Map.

Did you know that for the brain, all behaviours and emotions are mini programmes running the show? Otherwise called habits. The above keys are an outline on how to change your internal and emotional map. When you do this, your external map will begin to match up.

Allow yourself to stop and ask for directions on the way. You don’t have to beat loneliness on your own. I know from personal experience, that finding the help you need is key to beating loneliness.

Add pit stops of support to your emotional map as you progress and look for new destinations.

Allow that it’s quite natural to feel lonely at moments in your life – the trick is in learning not to get stuck there. I hope you find these 5 ways to beat loneliness effective, as they serve me well. If you would like more tips on how to beat loneliness and be happy effectively, my book FEARLESSLY ALONE takes an in-depth look at what makes us feel lonely and really afraid and how to break free and find your happy, on your own terms.

Many Blissings

Trilby


Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

The Art of Conscious Detachment

The Art of Conscious Detachment

Is this yet another new well-being technique? I prefer to see it as a different and fresh angle on an ancient philosophy for experiencing relaxation, health and spiritual enlightenment. The Art of Conscious Detachment in my definition is the ability to simple observe and participate in whatever is going on, neutrally, i.e. without judgement. Judgement is a mental function and will always create separation and attachment. The practice of this art is otherwise more commonly referred to as Meditation

Ask a large cross section of the general public about meditation and very few can give a clear explanation of what it is and how to do it, whilst many shy away from it and refer to it has some spiritual stuff. Over the last several decades, meditation is a New Age term that has become much bandied about, in the West at least. Yet few people actually understand or practise it. Countless informative and valuable books have been written on the subject of meditation, nevertheless today many people are still looking for quick, effective and practical solutions. The days of going into isolation for weeks or months on end to achieve or experience a deep meditative state, are over and beyond the scope of the majority. Although much can be discussed here, in this short article I briefly touch on a couple of underlying premises that will facilitate an easy and effective ability to experience the art of conscious detachment, as well as demystify the myth and hopefully make it inviting, stimulating and do-able to more people. So, let’s take a practical look at this metaphysical state!

Meditation, for many, has a spiritual connotation to it, which can put a lot of people off, as they feel they do not fit into this category. The good news is that the art of conscious detachment is not subjective to whether one is actively spiritual or not. Whilst the New Age movement has done much to promote meditation as a tool for those on a spiritual path, it is also very simply a way of life, as can be witnessed in Indian and Eastern cultures, where people grow up with this as a daily practise.

Now, many people who attempt meditating for the first time, may give up pretty soon because the art of detachment cannot be approached cognitively. Meditation is a paradox, in that it is a state that is achieved through the mind and yet it is not of the mind. It is indeed a cultivated art to reach a state of being in conscious detachment. The challenge come to those who meditate, whether a novice or a veteran, because the second one attempts to empty the mind, is exactly the moment that the monkey mind begins to chatter very loudly and incessantly. Sounds familiar? J Even with regular practise this can still occur, however, it does become easier to seduce the mental mind into releasing its vice-like grip, with practise and regularity, which facilitates the increased experience of conscious detachment.

One of the easiest, quickest and most effective ways to experience this cessation of mind chatter is through something that every human being on this planet does. BREATHING! It is something we all already do in order to stay alive in our physical bodies. Breathing is a built-in reflex, automatically controlled for the most part by the brain. However, it is also one of the few biological functions that we are able to control consciously, within limits.  When done with control or focus, a very particular shift occurs, not only in the body but across the board.

In Hatha Yoga, a primary principle is: Where awareness goes, energy glows and where energy flows, awareness goes. A way in which this can be experienced is that with focus on the breath, everything seems to slow down and yet expand simultaneously. Almost like when zooming out with a telescopic lens, one is afforded a view of a bigger picture. When we zoom out by focusing on the breath, the mental mind eases its grip on our awareness and more energy flows in. This creates a greater sense of detachment.

Another side-effect of controlled breathing is that it impacts on hormones which control body metabolism and functionality by carrying signals to and from the brain. For example, controlled breathing is effective for calming nerves or anxiety, as it sends a message to the brain that all is well and to lower adrenaline rush and heart rate.

The way a habit is formed and programmed in the brain is through repetition, which forms new synapses in the brain. Naturally the more you repeat something, the quicker and more automated it becomes. So, with regular repetitive practise neural pathways can be created and reinforced to support and stimulate the state of conscious detachment.  Now, this does not have to be a long laborious process or set in stone. So start small – remember to break down the elephant into smaller pieces, as this makes for easier handling.

Sitting down and expecting to know how to experience deep meditation the first time, is setting the bar a bit high and causes unnecessary pressure.  If you choose to begin with half a minute of conscious breathing every day, very shortly you will notice how much easier it happens on its own. At first don’t be too concerned with the when and how. Just do it when it pops up into your thoughts and you can also ask yourself to remember to prompt you. Sounds crazy perhaps, but it works. Why not try it?

So, no need to go and sit for hours on end in a dark silent room. Increase the length of time to find your own comfortable routine. A hint: if you feel as if you are no longer getting anything out of the time you spend, try changing the routine, environment and length of time. Just as everyday is different, so will be the quality and time of your meditation, which can be influenced by physical, emotional and environmental factors. Energy is in constant state of flux and as an Energy Being, so are you.

The regular practice of the art of conscious detachment contributes through controlled breathing leads to an increased sense of overall well-being. This is now more widely acknowledged, in particular by the medical world. Some benefits experienced can be: relaxation, improved energy levels, better circulation, restful sleep, reduced medicinal side-effects, more joy, ability to control anxiety, increased appetite, greater sense of peace/connectedness, etc

Now for what reason, would you not choose to have some of this?

Many Blissings.

Trilby

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Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

What to do when panic strikes

For many years of my life, like many people, I suffered from depression and anxiety, which culminated in a series of frequent and absolutely overwhelming panic attacks.

These could strike where ever and when ever they wanted, from one second to the next, without any prior warning – so I couldn’t go and seclude myself. It ruined my life for several months and I was so afraid to leave my flat to go to work, the shops or visit friends in case I had a panic attack out of the blue. This in turn, caused my anxiety and panic attacks to escalate even further – and this was while I was medicated to ‘control’ this. Does this sound familiar?

In the moments between the panic attacks I went to see a naturopath, attempted daily meditation and desperately looked to connect with someone who would listen to my situation and offer me a solution, without attempting to drug me to my eyeballs and simply sedate me. I wanted to understand what was happening to me and how I could transform these moments of panic and find inner calm. I didn’t want my life back – I simply wanted to have a life!

My body was screaming messages at me and I felt deaf, blind and totally clueless as to how to interpret these messages. I was lost in translation. Until one day, when during a really severe panic attack, curled in a foetal position on my bed, I felt this determination to purge this panic surge up so strongly from a place deep within me. The panic seemed insurmountable, however there was a part of me that knew I had to get control over these attacks or I would go insane.

In a moment of pure grace, I heard my inner voice speak very loudly and clearly and this is what it instructed me to do, “Breathe!”. And so I did. I focused intensely on just breathing with what seemed a superhuman force. That day, I broke the cycle and hold that panic had over me. I have not had a panic attack since that day and my anxiety decreased rapidly. So I know first hand how to stop panic and I want to share with you what I learned.

Watch my interview with Michele Paiva, where we share moments of humour and insight as to how it is possible to stop panic in its tracks and what happens physiologically during these moments and how ‘Conscious Breathing’ can transform panic to peace. Enjoy and please leave a comment here on the blog or the video.

Once I understood how to process the anxiety and panic through my body, I found confidence and peace of mind. This is my desire for you too.

In Light and Appreciation

Trilby


Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

You Are As Awesome As You BELIEVE Yourself To BE!

You Are As Awesome As You BELIEVE Yourself To BE!

self-image, worthiness, i am enough, love, mirror, reflectionWhilst many people who know the power of beliefs will agree, there is a shortage of people who truly believe they are awesome and who feel really good about feeling this way about themselves. So what holds so many back, when it comes to firstly believing they are awesome and secondly living in an awesome way?

I find many people confuse knowing how awesome they are with being arrogant. Somewhere along the line, in their system of beliefs and values, these two qualities have become collapsed together on some subconscious level and perhaps more importantly, with a negative connotation.

And so they are afraid to show up as awesome because they will be judged by others. And of course, they are also, on some subconscious level judging themselves in a negative way. If this was not so, there would be no problem in showing up as awesome and there would also be little judgment around arrogance either for that matter.

Embracing your awesomeness comes from a system of valuing yourself and feeling confident about what you do and can share with others. On the other hand, arrogance tends to stem paradoxically from a feeling of low-esteem and in order to compensate, the person will often adopt a behaviour of exaggerated confidence albeit one that puts others down and does not listen to other people’s opinions or ideas.

Here’s a quiz.
Think of someone who you consider as awesome. What are the qualities of this person that attract you? Now think of someone who you consider as arrogant. What are the qualities of this person that attract you? When done, ask yourself, who would you prefer being around and why? Write the reasons down and how you feel when with these people.

People enjoy being in the company of people who embrace their awesomeness. The main reason is because these people feel good about themselves and exude charm and confidence. And people will want to spend time in the company of these people. Life is simple too short to spend it not enjoying your own awesomeness and then being with awesome people.

Judgment is a natural part of the mental assessment process. However, you still have the choice as to what choice you are going to make. To play small or to play awesome! What if the only thing that is stopping you from being awesome, or even more awesome, is judgment? What if you gave that up, right here and now? Imagine how organically awesome your life can be! Are you ready to dare to be your awesomeness?

Believe in yourself and allow that to grow. The world really needs your awesomeness right now!

In Light and Appreciation

Trilby


Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

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Don’t overlook this when it comes to intimacy

Don’t overlook this when it comes to intimacy

intimacy, sex, relationship, self-love, happiness
Ever noticed that the word intimacy begins with the letter “I”? Many assume that intimacy is all about sex. It’s not! Intimacy, is considered usually as something we only can have with another person, in the form of relationship.  In this instance, I want to suggest a different perspective.

What if we think of intimacy as a state of being and experience that we have primarily with ourselves first and foremost? Learning to know ourselves is crucial if we are to enjoy a level of authentic and satisfying intimacy across our adult lives. Amazingly, many of us overlook this one factor when it comes to intimacy.

True intimacy, extends beyond the relationships we will have with another person. Instead, it is a deeply personal connection to ourselves. Without it, we are left feeling that something is missing within us and an emptiness that we instinctively try to fill. The more we look outside of ourselves to fill it – through success, relationships, love, money, work, drugs, media, food, purpose etc. – the stronger and wider the chasm inside us grows.

Being completely intimate with ourselves first is such an empowering individual process! Yet so few of us are aware of this and we don’t know how or where to begin. For genuine self-intimacy to emerge, we must be vulnerable to the process itself – the good, the bad and ugly, the hidden, the sensual, the still unfolding bits and the deeply afraid of being hurt bits.

To initiate this level of gratifying intimacy, let’s use the premises that ‘everything is within’, ‘start where we are’ and ‘the answers are right under our nose’.  There is one place where all three of these premises converge – our body! During a life span, we spend every day of our lives in our body. Yet how well do we know our bodies and what kind of intimate relationship do we consciously enjoy in and with them?

For centuries, we have been conditioned by culture and religion. Those holding the control withheld the secret – of the enormous potential, strength and capacity that comes from our sacred body connection and its empowering nature. By propagating the belief that the flesh was sinful and would betray us, they drove a wedge between ourselves and our bodies – our dearest ally – effectively severing the cords to personal intimacy. Sadly, this myth continues even today and is most prevalent in issues of body-image, lack of self-esteem, a sense of overwhelm and a deep loneliness that many of us still experience.

In my recent book, ‘FEARLESSLY ALONE‘, I addressed several of the factors that contribute to people feeling lonely, isolated and lost. Feelings of loneliness are a key indicator of a lack of intimacy with our Self – the most important authority in our life. When we feel lonely, we are often experiencing a feeling of disconnection from our source of personal power and creativity. The book reveals how when prolonged and unresolved, this results in stress, anxiety, depression, loss of self-worth, ill-health and even suicide.

Whatever we do in life, we do together with our bodies and everything experienced – both consciously and subconsciously – is perceived via this physical miraculous mechanical organism. The body literally hears and captures everything that we ever see, feel, and think. It allows us to have all kinds of sensory and sensual experiences – pleasurable and/or painful. The body ‘communicates’ with us through our senses – physical, emotional and intuitive – and translates these into feelings that we can perceive and understand. For example, when meeting a person for the first time, there is an instant initial impression – like this person is trustworthy, friendly, genuine, happy, unhappy, lying, an authority, confident, etc. This hunch often turns out to be correct.

The more consciously intimate the relationship with our body is, the better equipped we are to navigate life and make informed decisions confidently. Learning to listen to these sources of information can enrich our lives even more than most of us can perhaps even imagine. Cultivating awareness of and within the body will allow for more intimacy that is genuine, trustworthy and ideally suited for any unique lifestyle. It’s possible to reap immeasurable rewards, like attracting favourable people, situations and opportunities into our life, whereas prior to this, we may have struggled and suffered and chosen unwisely.

When we consciously harness this natural and profound connection with our body and nurture it, we are experiencing intimacy. We have come Home. And when stepping out from this space to embrace our lives, it is done from a place of empowered authority and enriched connection. Thanks to our bodies. Don’t overlook this when it comes to intimacy!


Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

 

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