5 Ways to Beat Loneliness

5 Ways to Beat Loneliness

Have you ever felt lonely?

Odds are that you have, at some point or other in your life. For some, this is a temporary and transient emotion that comes and goes. For others, feeling lonely can be a more permanent and unwanted visitor, that has far outstayed its welcome.

For instance, recent reports from Help Lines for those in need, show an increased number of calls, in particular during or around public holidays, from both people in relationships as well as those living alone.

Loneliness doesn’t discriminate!

Emotions are powerful players in our lives and depending on what and how they make us feel, are considered either friends or foes. Within our societies, cultures and gender roles, we become conditioned early on about what type of emotional behaviour is or isn’t acceptable. Yet, simultaneously, emotions are extremely personal and influenced by an individual’s inner relationship and sensibilities and personality types, such as introverts and extroverts.

Regardless of your personality type, however, it’s important and handy to know what to do and how to respond when loneliness begins to spread its fingers across our hearts and minds, to taint our lives in sad, dull and uncomfortable colours.

Loneliness has the power to disempower us so deeply in the most profound corners of our lives.

I know this because I used to feel constantly lonely, isolated and totally useless. So, I want to share five keys that helped me to beat loneliness, that can work for you too!

Here are 5 Ways to Beat Loneliness:

 

1. Admit How You are Feeling.

This may seem counterproductive at first because it can stir up fear. The fear of being consumed by feeling lonely. The fact of the matter, however, is that until you acknowledge what you feel, you are a slave to it. Many people feel ashamed or guilty to admit that they feel lonely, because of what it may imply. There is a fear that by admitting to something, it makes it true. This is a falsehood!

By admitting what it is you are feeling, you take back your power and can be objective about what’s really going on.

What you won’t own, enslaves you!

 

2. Give Your Loneliness A Form.

Strong emotions can often make us feel irrational. So, a great way to begin to ‘contain the situation’ in a safe environment and way, is by giving loneliness a form. For example, when you feel lonely, give it a scale of intensity from 1 -10. This is helpful, as it creates a space of detachment from the feeling, while still admitting it exists.

Each time you give a form to your loneliness helps you to see the intensity of your loneliness in a constructive way.

Remember that your emotions are real in your mind/brain and by giving them a form, as in a number, helps you to take a step back and be able to be detached in a healthy way.

 

3. Dig Deep.

The last thing you probably want to do when it comes to loneliness, is to dig deeper right? That’s fear – False Evidence Appearing Real – talking! And boy, it can feel scary feeling lonely. So, to beat this fear, dig deep and explore what is underneath the feeling of loneliness.

Make a list of all the feelings and thoughts that come to mind, no matter what they are. And practice makes progress, so do this often.

You can only change what you are willing to confront. Healing comes through feeling.

Which brings me to the next key point.

 

4. Don’t Shoot the Messenger.

Loneliness, like all emotions, brings a message with it. Humans, after all, are highly complex individuals. We are also creatures of habit and so it’s important to find out what is underneath our emotions. There is always a belief system that is attached to an emotional reaction. It’s part of our social, cultural and gender upbringing.

Ask yourself, “what is making me feel lonely?” and explore what comes up. This may sound challenging and requires a good dose of being honest with yourself in a gentle yet rigorous way.

The messenger is you, telling you more about yourself. Stop and listen and you will find that with more clarity the loneliness very often fades into the background and the true issue can be resolved, bringing peace of mind and calm.

 

5. Change Your Emotional Map.

Did you know that for the brain, all behaviours and emotions are mini programmes running the show? Otherwise called habits. The above keys are an outline on how to change your internal and emotional map. When you do this, your external map will begin to match up.

Allow yourself to stop and ask for directions on the way. You don’t have to beat loneliness on your own. I know from personal experience, that finding the help you need is key to beating loneliness.

Add pit stops of support to your emotional map as you progress and look for new destinations.

Allow that it’s quite natural to feel lonely at moments in your life – the trick is in learning not to get stuck there. I hope you find these 5 ways to beat loneliness effective, as they serve me well. If you would like more tips on how to beat loneliness and be happy effectively, my book FEARLESSLY ALONE takes an in-depth look at what makes us feel lonely and really afraid and how to break free and find your happy, on your own terms.

Many Blissings

Trilby


Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker who supports the healing of relationships and alleviates emotional stress, so that individuals experience more inner harmony and freedom in their lives. Trilby’s success story is one of going from emotional zero to emotional hero. She helps her clients achieve and cultivate the same.

Contact Trilby for a complimentary Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment to boost your self-esteem now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer. Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

The Art of Conscious Detachment

The Art of Conscious Detachment

Is this yet another new well-being technique? I prefer to see it as a different and fresh angle on an ancient philosophy for experiencing relaxation, health and spiritual enlightenment. The Art of Conscious Detachment in my definition is the ability to simple observe and participate in whatever is going on, neutrally, i.e. without judgement. Judgement is a mental function and will always create separation and attachment. The practice of this art is otherwise more commonly referred to as Meditation

Ask a large cross section of the general public about meditation and very few can give a clear explanation of what it is and how to do it, whilst many shy away from it and refer to it has some spiritual stuff. Over the last several decades, meditation is a New Age term that has become much bandied about, in the West at least. Yet few people actually understand or practise it. Countless informative and valuable books have been written on the subject of meditation, nevertheless today many people are still looking for quick, effective and practical solutions. The days of going into isolation for weeks or months on end to achieve or experience a deep meditative state, are over and beyond the scope of the majority. Although much can be discussed here, in this short article I briefly touch on a couple of underlying premises that will facilitate an easy and effective ability to experience the art of conscious detachment, as well as demystify the myth and hopefully make it inviting, stimulating and do-able to more people. So, let’s take a practical look at this metaphysical state!

Meditation, for many, has a spiritual connotation to it, which can put a lot of people off, as they feel they do not fit into this category. The good news is that the art of conscious detachment is not subjective to whether one is actively spiritual or not. Whilst the New Age movement has done much to promote meditation as a tool for those on a spiritual path, it is also very simply a way of life, as can be witnessed in Indian and Eastern cultures, where people grow up with this as a daily practise.

Now, many people who attempt meditating for the first time, may give up pretty soon because the art of detachment cannot be approached cognitively. Meditation is a paradox, in that it is a state that is achieved through the mind and yet it is not of the mind. It is indeed a cultivated art to reach a state of being in conscious detachment. The challenge come to those who meditate, whether a novice or a veteran, because the second one attempts to empty the mind, is exactly the moment that the monkey mind begins to chatter very loudly and incessantly. Sounds familiar? J Even with regular practise this can still occur, however, it does become easier to seduce the mental mind into releasing its vice-like grip, with practise and regularity, which facilitates the increased experience of conscious detachment.

One of the easiest, quickest and most effective ways to experience this cessation of mind chatter is through something that every human being on this planet does. BREATHING! It is something we all already do in order to stay alive in our physical bodies. Breathing is a built-in reflex, automatically controlled for the most part by the brain. However, it is also one of the few biological functions that we are able to control consciously, within limits.  When done with control or focus, a very particular shift occurs, not only in the body but across the board.

In Hatha Yoga, a primary principle is: Where awareness goes, energy glows and where energy flows, awareness goes. A way in which this can be experienced is that with focus on the breath, everything seems to slow down and yet expand simultaneously. Almost like when zooming out with a telescopic lens, one is afforded a view of a bigger picture. When we zoom out by focusing on the breath, the mental mind eases its grip on our awareness and more energy flows in. This creates a greater sense of detachment.

Another side-effect of controlled breathing is that it impacts on hormones which control body metabolism and functionality by carrying signals to and from the brain. For example, controlled breathing is effective for calming nerves or anxiety, as it sends a message to the brain that all is well and to lower adrenaline rush and heart rate.

The way a habit is formed and programmed in the brain is through repetition, which forms new synapses in the brain. Naturally the more you repeat something, the quicker and more automated it becomes. So, with regular repetitive practise neural pathways can be created and reinforced to support and stimulate the state of conscious detachment.  Now, this does not have to be a long laborious process or set in stone. So start small – remember to break down the elephant into smaller pieces, as this makes for easier handling.

Sitting down and expecting to know how to experience deep meditation the first time, is setting the bar a bit high and causes unnecessary pressure.  If you choose to begin with half a minute of conscious breathing every day, very shortly you will notice how much easier it happens on its own. At first don’t be too concerned with the when and how. Just do it when it pops up into your thoughts and you can also ask yourself to remember to prompt you. Sounds crazy perhaps, but it works. Why not try it?

So, no need to go and sit for hours on end in a dark silent room. Increase the length of time to find your own comfortable routine. A hint: if you feel as if you are no longer getting anything out of the time you spend, try changing the routine, environment and length of time. Just as everyday is different, so will be the quality and time of your meditation, which can be influenced by physical, emotional and environmental factors. Energy is in constant state of flux and as an Energy Being, so are you.

The regular practice of the art of conscious detachment contributes through controlled breathing leads to an increased sense of overall well-being. This is now more widely acknowledged, in particular by the medical world. Some benefits experienced can be: relaxation, improved energy levels, better circulation, restful sleep, reduced medicinal side-effects, more joy, ability to control anxiety, increased appetite, greater sense of peace/connectedness, etc

Now for what reason, would you not choose to have some of this?

Many Blissings.

Trilby

Did you enjoy this article? Then please like it, rate it and tell others about it by sharing it. Thank you. 🙂


Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Alchemist & Coach, Author and Speaker who supports the healing of relationships and alleviates emotional stress, so that individuals experience more inner harmony and freedom in their lives. Trilby’s success story is one of transforming self-loathing into self-love and learning how to master her life.

Contact Trilby for a complimentary Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment to boost your self-esteem now!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer. Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

What to do when panic strikes

For many years of my life, like many people, I suffered from depression and anxiety, which culminated in a series of frequent and absolutely overwhelming panic attacks.

These could strike where ever and when ever they wanted, from one second to the next, without any prior warning – so I couldn’t go and seclude myself. It ruined my life for several months and I was so afraid to leave my flat to go to work, the shops or visit friends in case I had a panic attack out of the blue. This in turn, caused my anxiety and panic attacks to escalate even further – and this was while I was medicated to ‘control’ this. Does this sound familiar?

In the moments between the panic attacks I went to see a naturopath, attempted daily meditation and desperately looked to connect with someone who would listen to my situation and offer me a solution, without attempting to drug me to my eyeballs and simply sedate me. I wanted to understand what was happening to me and how I could transform these moments of panic and find inner calm. I didn’t want my life back – I simply wanted to have a life!

My body was screaming messages at me and I felt deaf, blind and totally clueless as to how to interpret these messages. I was lost in translation. Until one day, when during a really severe panic attack, curled in a foetal position on my bed, I felt this determination to purge this panic surge up so strongly from a place deep within me. The panic seemed insurmountable, however there was a part of me that knew I had to get control over these attacks or I would go insane.

In a moment of pure grace, I heard my inner voice speak very loudly and clearly and this is what it instructed me to do, “Breathe!”. And so I did. I focused intensely on just breathing with what seemed a superhuman force. That day, I broke the cycle and hold that panic had over me. I have not had a panic attack since that day and my anxiety decreased rapidly. So I know first hand how to stop panic and I want to share with you what I learned.

Watch my interview with Michele Paiva, where we share moments of humour and insight as to how it is possible to stop panic in its tracks and what happens physiologically during these moments and how ‘Conscious Breathing’ can transform panic to peace. Enjoy and please leave a comment here on the blog or the video.

Once I understood how to process the anxiety and panic through my body, I found confidence and peace of mind. This is my desire for you too.

In Light and Appreciation

Trilby


Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Alchemist & Coach, Author and Speaker who supports the healing of relationships and alleviates emotional stress, so that individuals experience more inner harmony and freedom in their lives. 

Trilby’s success story is one of transforming self-loathing into self-love and learning how to master her life. She shares her knowledge with others on how to achieve the same and more in their spiritual well-being and transformation.

©Trilby Johnson 2017. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited.

Disclaimer. Any information shared here is not meant to substitute or replace any medical advice.

Compliments and social media

Compliments and social media

In this blog I want to do things a bit differently. Firstly, because I would love to know if you are receiving my articles to read? If you are, I would love to hear from you, so drop by and say ‘hi’ or leave a comment. As I moved my blog over to my own WordPress website, I still want to ensure that those who subscribed for my posts, continue to receive them. When I was busy writing my book last year, I did post much less and so now one of my targets, is to post blogs more regularly and create engaging content.

Then secondly, for this time around, I am sharing a vlog with you to make a change from written blogs. I have been doing many more podcasts and webcasts as this is also a great way to reach people and share my message. I think it also lends more authenticity and reaches a different audiences. In fact, I recently recorded a live class on Freeing Bodies from Body-Image, which was such fun and I loved the live engagement with the participant.

So as I embrace visual media more, here is a short video I did on the power of compliments and some reflections about how these play out in social media. Does social media make giving or receiving compliments easier? Are clicks and emojis compliments or is this now obsolete?

Enjoy and I will be in touch soon. And please, let me know if you are reading my blogs and what type of content you enjoy the most. Thank you.

In Light and Appreciation.
Trilby


Trilby Johnson is an Author, Speaker and Body Energy Alchemist. She supports individuals to resolve their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual trauma and pain that is limiting them from living genuine happy, healthy and successful lives.

Trilby’s success story is one of transforming self-loathing into self-love and how to be the master of her life. She shows others how to achieve the same in their spiritual well-being and transformation.

Contact her for a free 30 minutes Assessment Consult to discuss the options for your life’s situation.

©Trilby Johnson 2017. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited.

The Individuality Fairy Tale

The Individuality Fairy Tale

You are about to embark on a journey! So sit back, take a breath, relax and free your mind and allow yourself to wander and travel different routes of possibility.

Once Upon A Time . . . there was a rumour going around that in order to be happy, you had to have a family, a spouse, children, a successful career, lots of money, a car and the house with the white picket fence. Most people believed this was the meaning of life. But, hovering in the dark forest, there was a big bad monster named Indivi Duality.

Now Indivi Duality didn’t like this lifestyle. They found it boring and limiting. So when they were young they had run away from home because they were always being compared to and told to be like Every Body. They hated Every Body who was just like Any One.

So Indivi Duality lived all alone in the woods. Now and then they would sneak out to visit the town, but Every Body ran away in fear and locked themselves behind closed doors as soon as they saw how different Indivi Duality looked, walked, dress, spoke. They never even hung around long enough to find out what Indivi Duality wanted, thought or what they were like.

And so over the years Indivi Duality became more and more of a recluse. Keeping to themselves and venturing less and less into town. Eventually the town’s folk even forgot about Indivi Duality all together. They were so busy being like Every Body that they didn’t have time to think about Indivi Duality.

In the meantime, Indivi Duality lived happily in their little home far away from Every Body, enjoying life and being in and working together with Nature. Slowly though, something terrible began to happen. Indivi Duality began to doubt their Self. They began to think that perhaps Every Body was right and that they were wrong. There was No Body Else in Indivi Duality’s life and suddenly the beautiful and peaceful setting in the countryside no longer held its charm.

Indivi Duality had this terrible ache inside that they did not know how to fix. They worked hard in the day only to fall asleep exhausted at night, in an attempt to get rid of this new and strange feeling of discomfort. Indivi Duality started to leave their home and sneak back to the outskirts of the village and from the darkness of the trees would watch Every Body. Each day they watch all the people coming and going. It was hard to actually see them as different people because they all looked and acted the same. Yet, nevertheless, Indivi Duality began to feel worse the more they watched the village people. Indivi Duality felt very unhappy and felt an ache inside that got worse each time they saw how Every Body was living.

When at home they felt awful because all they could think about was how Every Body was together and they were here on their own. This went on for several weeks and then months. Indivi Duality began neglecting their daily routine to spend more time watching Every Body. The peace they had once experienced on their own was gone and there was an incessant voice going on in their head, telling them how they were no good because they were on their own and who would want them anyway as they were so different.

Eventually, Indivi Duality started to feel frail and jumped at every little noise. They couldn’t approach Every Body because they ran away screaming in fear and yet Indivi Duality fell terrible on their own. They lost their appetite and got weaker and weaker.

After several months living this way, Indivi Duality ran out of food. All their animal friends had moved away to greener pastures because when Indivi Duality began spending so much time sneaking around the village, the crops were left unattended and began to fail. So their animal friends left, because Indivi Duality was grumpy and not very nice to be around. In fact, Indivi Duality ignored them, having become obsessed with what Every Body was doing, and so they drifted away.

Time passed and eventually Indiv Duality began to decline into depression and listlessness. They lost interest in everything else that was going on around them, so obsessed were they with becoming like Every Body. Yet they knew that they could never be like Every Body anyway. This made Indivi Duality feel so sad.

They slowly started to slip away into a feverish delusion from which nothing could save them, so it seemed. Physically by now Indivi Duality was so weak and they hardly even thought about Every Body at all anymore. They just had no energy. And so eventually over time, due to lack of food, self-care, motivation and filled with a terrible sense of incompletion and dissatisfaction, Indivi Duality simply gave up and disappeared from sight.

Where Indivi Duality is today, no one knows for sure.

The End . . .

* * * * * * * * *

Did you know that this style of writing is a ‘metaphor’? This style is used to personify different concepts and is effective when it comes to addressing subconscious aspects and helping to render them conscious. Just like any fairy tale is believed to contain subliminal and hidden and subconscious messages.

Originally, I intended this metaphor to be a part of my book ‘FEARLESSLY ALONE’, however I chose to use it as a separate article to emphasize how our individuality and identity is very much a by product of socialization. Did you enjoy it, find it interesting, confusing, what emotions did it evoke? Let me know by commenting below.

©Trilby Johnson 2016. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited.


Trilby Johnson is an Author, Speaker and Body Energy Alchemist. She supports forward-thinking individuals to live the lives they were born to live by resolving the core imbalances that destabilize and limit their unique and authentic body, mind, spirit connection and integration. When they connect the essence of who they truly are, they are able to realize and align with their full potential and live happy, healthy and successful lives.
Trilby’s success story is one of learning self-love and to master her life and she shows others how to achieve the same in their spiritual well-being and transformation.

Contact her for a free 30 minutes Assessment Consult to discuss the options for your life’s situation.

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